[alright I love you // I love you // you’re my lucky charm // you’re mine]

i’ve been thinking about your life

the hand you were dealt

and possibly why

were you born cursed

or was it poor judgement

and did you know i would inherit it

gorgeous potential too soon lost

working hard for no payoff

goddamn this irony

never one to fail me

it always takes the ones i love

but i’d know your face from anywhere or anyplace

in the morning when I wake up

i feel this pressure and it makes my heart start to rush 

anxiety, encephalopathy

is it still out of left field

if you see it coming?

my mind gets stuck on four letter words 

will i fail?

do i really have a home?

romanticize the myth of having fun

but wasted time

it can’t be undone

i miss having fun

i guess it’s true

that i’m my mother’s son

in my dreams it’s him holding me 

he takes his shirt off

and now we’re wrestling

walking through parks

and we’re swimming in lakes

is it so wrong to crave the simple and safe? 

push down desire around the ones you love 

cuz they can’t sympathize

with what you never speak of

crawl back to bed for six more days

you can’t complain

it’s always been this way

and nothing’s changed

i guess it’s true that I’m my mother’s son

i used to think that nervous energy

was better than tough luck

or to face defeat

you know somethings 

they’re always changing 

corner of my room rearranging

and it never stops

cursed or blessed

what will all these memories be

cuz everything you say

oh it sounds so sweet

but it’s all rehearsed long before me 

and what comes after this

us? anything?

and is that something i need?

summer into fall

now it’s wintertime

the snow on the ground 

melts and it turns to ice

you know we could be something like that 

an already cold heart 

at once turns black 

now there’s just no turning back

i know i said that i’d be fine

i know you’re seeing other guys 

two weeks four months i’m finally done 

confusing love for fun

you’ve seen too much

you feel too much

you sleep it off

but it’s never enough

cuz patience doesn’t pay a patient’s stay 

and pity doesn’t make a family’s namesake

but more good comes

to those who wait

who see through hell

that’s what you’d always say

but now i can’t just ask you questions 

i’m praying for my own reflection

helpless as the angels gather round

you’ve seen too much

you feel insane

that’s how it’s always been so nothing’s changed

a southern storm that shakes the leaves 

the heaviest branch falls off the tree 

i think that’s how they feel about you and me 

and it’s not fair 

but i guess it’s fine 

we both fought hard 

i think we did alright 

holding hands at this moving line

i was your lucky charm 

and you were mine

if i wait is there anything i’m missing 

if i stay what’s the point

cuz you will make a monster of me 

And i will resign to that place in my mind

and say something i don’t mean

if i run away what’s the worst you could do 

would you change or rewrite the truth 

cuz hate will make a monster of you 

and i will resign to that place in my mind 

that awful little room

and you will make a monster of me 

and i will resign to that place in my mind 

cuz it keeps me company

Day trip

To the state line

To buy fireworks

Do you remember the time 

We played the powerball feeling lucky

Wrote down my birthday cuz you were proud of me

Blue PT

I had just turned 9

Scotchman off 17

It got dark outside

The wind blew open the door 

And the rain came in

Cashier ran around the counter

Locked us in with him

And you said you were worried

About our babies back home

How you hoped they were sleeping

Not out in the storm

[it’s your mom // fritz wishes you a happy father’s day // gimme a buzz when you have a chance // and thank you for letting me leave a message]

Now so much has changed 

I’m reminded every day

Penny meows to me

From the passenger’s seat 

Had to put Fritz down last week

severance pay for those still learning 

how to not cash in their earnings 

praying that this pain is past it’s peak 

grief it creeps up from the backseat 

how did you figure this all out? 

or did you just start running?

did you carry your doubts?

did they weigh on you? 

like they do on me now?

you never let it show

Annual reprise

I’m feeling so uninspired

So I drive to your house 

Looking to make peace of mind 

I watch your eyes shift

Beneath your eyelids

This life’s a bad trip

This life’s just one bad trip

For you

Repeat your MO

I don’t care

Pull back the sheets

Brush your hair

Dollar tree to ABC

Vodka, sprite, and your hand cream 

Is this the dream that you sold me 

When I was young and so naive 

Memories covered in filth

Wipe off the dust from the windowsill

Just another night

In another life

Just another guy

Who will do you wrong

check off the boxes

all dues are paid

if you even care

for those kinds of things 

we lost the battle 

it was rigged anyway 

but we won the war

now we’ve got it made 

and i’ll say it ten times

i love you more

than words describe

thought i lost you in march

thought we were done for in may 

now it’s september first

it’s wild how things change

this month i move in your house 

start fixing the old place

that one story ranch on memory lane 

and i’ll say it a hundred times

i love you more than words describe

audrey had a dream that you came home last night

you were up walking around all on your own 

and when she told me about it

i started to cry

i just wanted it so bad

i just want it so bad

and i’ll say it five hundred times

i love you more than words describe

and i’ll say it twelve thousand times

i love you more i love you more

i’m not trying to be

another thorn in your side 

famous last words i heard 

from the former thorn in my side 

breaking bread with both hands

tell me two truths and three lies

or is it better unsaid 

do i really want what’s inside 

your simple life

shaken out of a dream

i’m recompense

time out just what’s on your mind 

you know that you can rely on me for most things

you just gotta give me a sign

[you ready? // yeah dude]

cuz i don’t wanna be the one 

bad all the time 

who always leaves

how many fingers am i holding up 

is your bed comfortable

are you warm enough

do you miss me?

i mean the old me 

thirteen running free 

Smithville park

blue and green

or sixteen going fast

holly drive

grey and black

you were there every night 

your blonde hair 

and blue eyes 

you tried to tell me time hurts 

it turns out you were right

don’t hold me down

this is where i belong

don’t hold me down

this is where i belong now 

because you give your whole life 

and then they take it out back 

as i watch it expire

as i gain what you lack 

don’t hold me down

this is where i belong now

[honey, in ten more days I’m gonna be 60 years old // sixty! // I’m old as dirt // call me back when you have a chance // i love you // sixty!? // where did my life go!? // love you]

[I don’t care // i love you // I love… you]

go and get strong

you say you hate this place

even on the good days

i know but hold on

remember six months ago

you couldn’t tell me you wanna go home

you cheat death and you fall

you crack a couple bones in the storm 

but you’re doing alright

in spite the state of your left brain 

it’s clear you’ve still got so much fight

and you still recognize me

i think you always would 

and you still recognize me

your baby boy he’s doing good 

i’m trying to do right by you

i think you’d know my face

from anywhere or anyplace

[okay ready, set, go! // Blue water // blue as blue as blue can be // i was blue // really blue // blue blue blue water]

[that was beautiful // pretty good, huh? // that was really good // hey! // getting blue water!]

[do you think I got my singing skills from you?]

[NO! Hahahaha]